What is Emotional Intelligence?

Have you ever wished for calmness, resilience, motivation, good people skills and fulfilling relationships? Do you have a high IQ, but feel lost among people and can't assert yourself? What you need is emotional intelligence! What is emotional intelligence? It is a type of personal and social intelligence, which includes the following:

 The ability to perceive, recognise, understand and react to the thoughts and feelings of yourself and those of others (emotional awareness);

 To be able to distinguish between various feelings and to name them (emotional literacy);

 The ability to express and control your feelings appropriately (emotional control);

 To be able to listen to others, to have empathy with them and to communicate effectively in terms of emotions and thoughts and

 To use the information in directing your thoughts and actions with the result that you live effectively, motivated and with a goal in mind (relation between thoughts, feelings and behaviour).

It might be helpful to keep in mind that emotional intelligence comprises a large set of abilities that have been studied by psychologists and therapists for many years. Even though this may be true you don't need to have an emotional (or any other) problem to benefit from a course in emotional intelligence. In a certain way it may be seen as life skills with the emphasis on emotions and thinking patterns. Emotional intelligent people are better positioned to increase their personal and professional effectiveness, enhance their relationships and make effective life and business decisions. EQ encompasses abilities such as self-motivation, persistence, mood-management and the ability to think and hope. Emotional intelligence is a life strategy. In each situation you have a choice about how you want to react. Your intense emotions may devastate your important personal and business relationships if you are not able to control them. If you can stop yourself to think about your feelings, what the situation means to you and what the most appropriate reaction is that you can have, you will not react on impulse. Being able to do this you will behave more appropriately and you will be able to build better relationships with yourself and others. There should always be a time lapse between the stimulus (situation) and your reaction to it. During that time lapse your have to interpret the meaning of the situation and how you can respond to it. People who are very impulsive and who say and do things inappropriately do not give themselves enough (or hardly any) time to reflect, with resulting negative reactions from others.

One is never too old to learn these skills, but you have to practise and try them again and again. It is only by practising these skills that they will become integrated and you will be able to apply them. Emotional Intelligence is about taking responsibility for you own life and happiness. You don’t blame or find excuses for situations you find yourself in. An important principle of emotional intelligence is to realise that we cannot change other people. We can only change our reaction to them, in other words we can decide how other people will affect us. We can also change ourselves and work on our growth areas. It is important that you take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings. Emotional intelligence is about a good balance between feelings and thoughts. Are you aware of your thinking patterns?

Be aware of your thoughts.

Think constructively!

You are what you think.

What are you constantly thinking of?

You can feel differently if you can think differently.

Are you open enough to see the possible truth in other’s perspectives?

You are in control of your thinking processes. Be careful of what you are thinking!

Every human being is confronted with feelings and life's challenges and can benefit from an improved EQ!  My feelings are an important part of myself. I may not deny, suppress or ignore them. My fulfilled needs give rise to my positive feelings. It is my uncomfortable feelings (like frustration) that inspire me to reach new heights and to fulfil my unmet needs.

Skills to be gained from course:

Self-awareness, flexibility, open-mindedness,

self-confidence, self-control, self-assertiveness,

empathy and ability to work with others,

self-motivation and social skills.

Outcomes of the emotional intelligence course:

The aim with the course is to guide people in making careful decisions about their own functioning and their relationship with others. At the end of the course I want people who:

1. Accept responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings, values, assumptions and perceptions;

2. Can identify and control their intense feelings and cope with them appropriately without harming themselves and others;

3. Know and accept themselves, but are still motivated to identify and develop their growth areas if this is important to them;

4. Can communicate with other people, have empathy with them and who can recognise and accept the perspectives of others;

5. Are emotionally resilient, can cope with setbacks effectively and who can motivate themselves to give their best;

6. Are capable to cope with most social situations;

7. Can formulate realistic and attainable goals, but are also willing to change them and

8. Can follow a balanced lifestyle.

Please take note: At the moment I also do the courses individually. You may do the course alone, with a friend or as a couple. This is more personal and problems can be discussed if necessary. Plan for at least ten sessions of two hours each.

Persons who do the course on a one-to-one basis do it at my practice in Centurion, Pretoria. It is now possible to do the course in Emotional Intelligence as a correspondence course!!

Counsellers and therapists (social workers, psychologists, ministers, people in the judicial professions, etc.) can benefit from the course in two ways: (1) they learn to cope with their own feelings and relationships, and (2) they can use the new knowledge and skills in their work, enhancing the emotional proficiency of the people they work with.

The workbook is an excellent, practical tool to use in therapy and can be applied in various ways and in about all kinds of therapy.

Courses are presented either in Afrikaans or English or both depending on the needs of the individual or group.

Checklist for emotional intelligence:

This is just a general list of attributes of EQ. Remember that some people may have more skills in certain areas than others. Be honest and see where you can grow!

* I am aware of my feelings and where they come from;

* I know my thinking patterns and am able to change them if they are not constructive;

* My values and needs (connected to my feelings) are clear to me;

* I am not dependent on recognition and acceptance from others;

* I am aware of my irrational assumptions, preconceived ideas and prejudices that bring me negative feelings;

* I can see different viewpoints in a situation;

* I wait for enough objective information before I come to a conclusion (my filters are open);

* I really know myself and am aware of my strengths and growth areas;

* I am self-assertive without being aggressive;

* My lifestyle is balanced with enough time for relaxation and spiritual growth;

* I can communicate clearly;

* I know feeling words and can express my feelings to those closest to me;

* I can recognise the feelings of others;

* I have empathy with them and am able to express my empathy;

* People may experience intense feelings when I am with them. I don't feel uncomfortable in such a situation;

* I don't judge other people or their feelings;

* I know techniques that can lessen the intensity of my feelings, like deep breathing;

* I can stop myself when experiencing an intense feeling and think about ways in which to react;

* I do not suppress or ignore my feelings but accept them for what they are and for what they are trying to tell me;

* I know how to cope with my anger and worries;

* I can forgive and let go;

* Change is not an end for me but a challenge;

* I have resilience and can get back on my feet after a setback;

* I know that I am responsible for my own happiness and that happiness comes from within;

* I am able to set myself realistic goals and am able to reach them.

All of these skills are addressed in the workbook. Get yourself one today!